No, not that one! But the small cute ones who change your life, challenge your bank balance and, at times, chase your patience to its limits! Children! Dating when you get to 40 is a game of skill, when it comes to the 'C' word - whether you have kids, or whether you don't! Possibly harder, if you don't....
For the record, you should know that I don't.
I would have loved children and could never have envisaged hitting 40 and not being a mother, but life had other plans. I admire the courage of women who go it alone, but that wasn't for me. So having recently, and reluctantly, accepted that children were unlikely to be part of my future, where does that leave me in the dating game?
Experience has shown me...it goes something like this...:men of my age and older who have children rarely want more. They spell out, in no uncertain terms on their profiles that their children are the most important things in their lives - well of course they are, and should be, and any half-intelligent woman, with or without kids, acknowledges and accepts that. After all, children don't choose to be born...
However, in my and many of my friends' experience, stating it so vehmently is generally shorthand for me, my kids,my job, my ex-wife's demands as to childcare arrangements, reasonable or otherwise (as to bend to them makes my life easier)...come first. If you date me, and I have any time left, you might occasionally get to see me for a quick servicing of my carnal desires.... you have been warned...
The men of my age and older, on dating sites, who have spent their 20's and 30's concentrating on their careers or sowing their wild oats, or in fact made a career of sowing said wild oats, and suddenly decide they want children, are generally seeking someone significantly younger and more fertile than 40. There are, of course, a few who allegedly want kids and set their ideal match's age parameters 30 to 50. I can only assume they weren't very good at biology, if they are really looking for a 50 year old with child bearing ability!
So in negotiating the completion of the critical question on one's Internet profile - 'Do you want children -yes, no or maybe?' - what am I to say?
Yes, generally sends the few men of my age and older with children, who haven't had the snip, or the rare creatures who do not want children, running for the hills.
No, is generally interpreted, wrongly, as meaning I don't like children, so wouldn't be great with theirs...so they run in the same direction.
Or the box I've recently taken to ticking - maybe. So when I do meet that intelligent, funny, man, who may or may not want children, but, first and foremost, wants me for me and not for my ability to breed, then I've covered all bases...anyway, all that's breeding round here right now is the slug colony in my garden...Mr. Dyson came round last week to exterminate the latest onslaught...mmm...think it's time I told you more about Mr. Dyson.....Love of my Life Mark II.....
For the record, you should know that I don't. I would have loved children and could never have envisaged hitting 40 and not being a mother, but life had other plans. I admire the courage of women who go it alone, but that wasn't for me. So having recently, and reluctantly, accepted that children were unlikely to be part of my future, where does that leave me in the dating game?
Experience has shown me...it goes something like this...:men of my age and older who have children rarely want more. They spell out, in no uncertain terms on their profiles that their children are the most important things in their lives - well of course they are, and should be, and any half-intelligent woman, with or without kids, acknowledges and accepts that. After all, children don't choose to be born...
However, in my and many of my friends' experience, stating it so vehmently is generally shorthand for me, my kids,my job, my ex-wife's demands as to childcare arrangements, reasonable or otherwise (as to bend to them makes my life easier)...come first. If you date me, and I have any time left, you might occasionally get to see me for a quick servicing of my carnal desires.... you have been warned...
The men of my age and older, on dating sites, who have spent their 20's and 30's concentrating on their careers or sowing their wild oats, or in fact made a career of sowing said wild oats, and suddenly decide they want children, are generally seeking someone significantly younger and more fertile than 40. There are, of course, a few who allegedly want kids and set their ideal match's age parameters 30 to 50. I can only assume they weren't very good at biology, if they are really looking for a 50 year old with child bearing ability!
So in negotiating the completion of the critical question on one's Internet profile - 'Do you want children -yes, no or maybe?' - what am I to say?
Yes, generally sends the few men of my age and older with children, who haven't had the snip, or the rare creatures who do not want children, running for the hills.
No, is generally interpreted, wrongly, as meaning I don't like children, so wouldn't be great with theirs...so they run in the same direction.
Or the box I've recently taken to ticking - maybe. So when I do meet that intelligent, funny, man, who may or may not want children, but, first and foremost, wants me for me and not for my ability to breed, then I've covered all bases...anyway, all that's breeding round here right now is the slug colony in my garden...Mr. Dyson came round last week to exterminate the latest onslaught...mmm...think it's time I told you more about Mr. Dyson.....Love of my Life Mark II.....
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