Monosyllabic Man!

Monosyllabic Man was the ultimate humiliation! He was an accountant living just 30 miles away which, in Internet dating terms, made him pretty local. We had a brief chat on the phone and, whilst he wasn't exactly bubbling over with witty repartee, he sounded normal and, bearing in mind past experience, my standards were dropping all the time ... so I agreed to meet him for a drink at 8 the following night.

At the time, I was in the midst of a major house renovation project so spent most of my waking hours, away from work, covered in soggy, steamed off wood chip, plaster dust or paint. Saturday evening arrived and I knew I wasn't excited about the evening ahead when I found myself still splattered in Dulux, 50 minutes before our date and the venue was a 20 minute drive away. I considered cancelling but, knowing how often myself and friends had been stood up by guys at the last minute (usually, when they'd had a better offer), I felt that the decent thing to do was to go despite my lack of enthusiasm.

So after some swift paint stripping in the shower and make-up in double quick time, I drove to our agreed rendezvous - a busy country pub where we couldn't initially find a table. For those of you who have played the dating game, you'll know just how excruciating dates can be at times and, as soon as I arrived at this one, I knew it was going to be one of them.

For a start, he looked nothing like his photo, for another he had absolutely nothing to say...or at least nothing that had more than one syllable. I'm generally not a great lover of small talk but, on this occasion, I would have welcomed comments on anything, and I mean anything, from the state of his garden fence to the state of his sock drawer....I have never found it so hard to make conversation in my life and it was the longest hour I have ever spent, standing amidst a sea of happy couples and groups of friends having a great Saturday night out...

Happily I was saved from a further hour, by the bar maid asking if we'd like to take part in the 'Rock 'n' Roll' bingo....err no...time to take my leave.... the evening was so appalling that I didn't believe for one moment that I'd hear from him again, as I kissed him politely on the cheek and we went our separate ways, nor did I want too...

So to receive a text from him 48 hours later saying, he'd considered matters very carefully and had decided due to the distance that we lived from each other he wouldn't be pursuing it further...

Pursuing it further! What did he think I was - a job application?! One thing was for certain I wouldn't be pursuing him any further....but it wasn't the most flattering of endorsements - being rejected by, possibly, the most boring man in the world (or perhaps the second most......have I told you about Diet Coke Man?)...NEXT!