Mr. Dyson - First Impressions Count (Part 3)!

So after my hapless efforts at impressing the Womble, I wasn't too confident about approaching the ex-RAF flyer. However, never one to give up, even though it may have been better if I had, I decided I had to listen to his voice message first so I could compose a suitably impressive opening message of my own.

This meant, of course, that I would have to listen to his message at least twice. Once to establish what he had to say…tick, tick, tick…1.6p per second. Replace receiver. Prepare eloquent, funny flirtatious response. I would then have to call again to dispatch said witty riposte, hence doubling the cost, as the system would not allow me to skip his voicemail and fast forward to his answer service.

I figured that if he sounded terrible, I wouldn't bother calling back and if I did like the sound of him it would be worth the extra few quid, as decent dates were rarer than dodos. Time to polish off the remaining Rioja and call...

"Hi I'm Sim … I used to be an RAF navigator and loved it. I now work in London and hate it…’

Aah, a positive man - just what I was looking for. On and on…a full 4 minutes and 30 seconds later his diatribe finally ended ... but he did seem relatively normal. He had a nice voice, was pretty sporty, recently separated (oh why did the warning bells not ring out loud and clear at that stage?), no kids but hadn't ruled out the possibility if he met the right woman and only lived about 20 miles away. He could also string a sentence together and, despite an interest in amateur dramatics, did not appear to enjoy dressing up as anything furry.

He was only 5'10 and a half - clearly had a bit of an issue about his height as he mentioned the half inch at least twice - dark hair and was moderately good looking - whatever that meant. I would have preferred someone taller, as at 5'7" myself I would tower over him in heels, but it was all the same lying down. I made a few notes to assist in formulating my response. I didn't want it to sound staged but hoped, if I practised a few times in front of the stuffed wombles, I might improve on my last effort.

Right, how should I describe myself - don't know one end of a pair of skis from another, a lawyer, a bit mad,  interested in horticulture - just done a 'Ground Force' job on my garden, love people and dogs, horse racing and huge hats.

I thought I could pull off a nonchalantly casual message so I rang again. Four and a half minutes of him, then my turn... It was only when I ended the call that I realised I should have pressed a further key to confirm the message. I hadn't. So… 9 minutes and £9 down listening to his message twice, 2 minutes and £2 down leaving my message. £11 spent and I hadn't even managed to record my name and number on his voicemail yet!.

One last attempt…his message again…tick, tick…£15.50…go:

'Hi, I'm Daisy! I like gardening, dogs, people, cooking, horse racing and big hats. I am a bit mad, very voluptuous - not fat mind - just curvy, dark long hair and sparkly eyes…oh and I like gardening, or did I already say that? I love wine and food and I hate sport - watching and playing - and I've not held a tennis racquet since I was eleven, and I wouldn't know one end of a ski from another. Seems most unnatural to me having two planks of wood strapped to your feet and hurtling down a hill trying to avoid trees. However, I might be persuaded to go skiing to try out the gluwein. Will that do? There that’s me. Call me on….'

Remember, remember - press the button to save message - done! Would he call? Well, it all depended on whether he was interested in an alcoholic, dark haired version of Charlie Dimmock, with a habit of repeating herself. Time would tell…