Mr. Dyson - The Advertisement (Part 1 of many)!

I have been toying with Mr. Dyson, so called because of his obsession with vacuum cleaners, for sometime. Whilst everything in my blog is true, as Mr. Dyson and others who know him may be reading this, I have been selective about what I write as he is still a dear and much loved friend.

Mr. Dyson is my soul mate (one of two I've met in my life). He knows that and I know that; we have a connection that is both incredible and destructive in equal measure....to put it in context, Mr. Dyson to me, is what Mr. Big is to Carrie Bradshaw. 

Mr. Dyson came into my life when my dear late father decided he was going to give my love life a helping hand and started sending me the Daily Telegraph Kindred Spirits column - the precursor to the Internet version of Telegraph Dating - with 'suitable' candidates highlighted in neon marker pen. His choices were diverse, although all claimed to have good senses of humour (GSOH). Clearly! Particularly the 63 year old Welsh cross-dresser looking for 'a lovely lady to share his passion for killer heels, French knickers and red lipstick' (I hope Dad was joking about that one!)

After a lot of hilarity and several glasses of Rioja, I narrowed his selection down to two - an actor from Bristol called Tim and, Mr. Dyson whose real name rhymed with Tim!

Tim described himself as 6', dark haired with a quirky sense of humour; QSOH instead of GSOH - full marks for originality. He was looking for a 'voluptuous female aged between 28 and 35 for friendship'. One wonders why it mattered whether she was voluptuous or built like a skeletal pipecleaner, if all he was looking for was friendship? But, I digress...

Mr. Dyson described himself as an ex-RAF flyer, 45, who enjoyed tennis, skiing, amateur dramatics, good wine and eating out. He was looking for romance in the Home Counties with women with similar interests.

Mmm…an ex-RAF flyer. Images of Top Gun sprang to mind. Would he be as attractive as my handsome neighbour Craig, who used to fly naval helicopters and on whom I had a massive crush? This one sounded even more promising than Bristol Tim.

Ok, I know what you're thinking...I don't possess any of the attributes he was seeking in a woman. I had to admit I hadn't played tennis since the age of eleven when I was hit in the face by a stray racquet and had my front tooth knocked out; I had never set foot on a ski slope, not even a nursery one, but I did like good wine and restaurants.

I did live in the Home Counties and I was certainly looking for romance. I'd also been known to be a bit of a drama queen in my time, so maybe I could tick the am dram box. He was a bit older than I was looking for - 15 years my senior to be precise - but maybe the more mature man would manage to behave with a little more emotional maturity in his dealings with the fairer sex....

 

Targets selected; time to make contact which, as you can probably imagine, didn't go without a hitch....