The Len Show!

Don't ask why but, yesterday, I attended a national conference run by a man - lets call him Len - about the fascinating topic of waste management.

I accept that the subject matter was never going to be riveting, but I didn't envisage it could be as bad as it was.

We only got to no. 5 of 11 agenda items, as Len spent most of the time telling us about himself and his vast experience in this scintillting field. I don't know why he bothered with course notes; he may as well just have read out his CV over and over again.

I'm not sure about the One Show; it was more like the Len Show!

He was very proud of the fact that he pays private investigators less than the minimum wage of a poor African state to sit in hedges for days on end, recording every moment of people's illegal waste dumping activities!

Apparently, his investigative tactics are not appreciated by everyone. In fact one of his quarries was driven so mad by his persecutor that he carried a pair of shears about his person everywhere he went and randomly hacked hedges into topiary abstracts! Len was very proud of this fact too....

I'm surprised I haven't come across him on a dating site...he is just the sort of man that appears to be drawn to sending me messages!

And talking of dating....whilst I am not ready to declassify Classified just yet and I will share a little more with you soon...for now, I shall just say this....thankfully, he and Len have nothing in common...