I shall leave Mr. Cruise for the time being - as it turned into something of a shipwreck, albeit that no-one died -and tell you about the recent exploits of myself and my criminal defence colleagues...As the festive season is upon us, we are obliged to enjoy ourselves (apparently)!
Certain of my clients have definitely been enjoying themselves recently - there was the man who, having been dumped by his partner, had taken up gardening wearing her bra and thong after bombarding her with 300 texts in 10 days; then there was the young man guilty, allegedly, of assault by spoon! Yup, it's true...a dessert spoon, as I recall!
And what have their briefs been up too whilst our clients have been keeping the local constabulary busy? Why, sex and drugs of course, albeit that no offences were committed.
Summonsed to arrive at the airport at some unearthly hour a week before Christmas, our party of six was met by boarding cards to Amsterdam! No soggy sprouts or overcooked poultry us. Whisked off to lunch in a superb restaurant, after a canal trip to see the sights, I felt extremely fortunate to be part of such a great team.
Many memorable moments ensued...not least the cuddly pink teddy bears with pierced genitals (why?!) and the passive inhalation of a ton of dope as we passed a 'coffee shop' .....
Sadly, one of our number remained in the UK to defend our client base who, predictably, were out in force on the night before our trip raping and pillaging (or in truth, assaulting people with spoons and wearing women's underwear)...he did volunteer...
A fantastic day had by all - perfect sustenance to get the single woman through the endurance test ahead....Christmas & New Year!
This Christmas however....something quite unexpected and potentially exciting happened...it started with a free 7 day membership to a dating site...
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